This podcast is about finding calm. I talk to the experts and bring you evidence-based practical methods to help you destress and live purposefully. In my early 40’s, I bowed out of a 20 year legal career “to spend more time with the kids”. However it was more than that. Decades of running on high anxiety and drinking to cope had had its toll on my nervous system and I was burnt out. I didn’t know it at the time, but from there I started years of recovery and ultimately stepped into a new way of living. I went to rehab, retrained as a counsellor and coach, created a successful counselling practice, became a motivational & corporate wellness speaker, took up painting and now support others to destress for success.
What the HECK is "mindfulness"?! (Surfing the Urge to Beat Habitual Cravings)
•Isabella Ferguson•Season 1•Episode 18
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The word "mindfulness" used to stop me in my tracks and not in a good way! I used to cringe when I heard it, roll my eyes when it was dropped in a sentence and get bamboozled by what the heck it meant! It. Just. Seemed. Like. A. Trendy. Overused. Term. However now I am "one of them!".
Let's talk about the why's, how's, what's of mindfulness. In particular let's talk about how one form of mindfulness called "surfing the urge," can bridge the gap between an urge and gratification and help us to beat problematic urges like sugar cravings, alcohol urges and unconscious scrolling on our phones. In fact wait until the end because I will lead you through a 10 point surfing the urge mindfulness coaching exercise that you can apply to help you surf your personal urge!
Whether it's the draw of an evening drink or the pull of sugary temptations, this episode is a deep dive into the practicality of mindfulness practices that help navigate our impulses, particularly during those testing hours between 5pm and 8pm. You'll learn to breathe through cravings, identify triggers, and harness the power of mindful distractions, all while fostering self-compassion.
If you find these strategies resonate but you're seeking more personalised guidance, remember, I'm at your service with resources, counselling, and tailored coaching to support you in managing stress and recalibrating your drinking habits. Together, let's chart a course towards a more present, purposeful existence—one mindful moment at a time.
Hello, welcome to another episode of De-Stress for Success with me, your host, isabella. Today, I'm talking about mindfulness. What is it? Why do we keep hearing this word? Sometimes I hear this word and I feel, there it is again the world's most overused word, together with namaste used word together with namaste Until, that is, I discovered it, started using it and now talk at length about it with my clients and members of my alcohol challengers. Yes, I have become that person, so stick around. You might also become that person after you listen to what I have to say and do. Stick around to the end, because I'm actually going to lead you through a surfing the urge, mindful practice that you can use to break free from unhealthy habits like alcohol, sugar, smoking and a few others alcohol, sugar, smoking and a few others. Welcome to the De-Stress for Success podcast.
Speaker 1:
Did you know that we inherit our stress response from our parents or carers or generations before? But we can also train our brain to respond to stress differently. It's all about brain health. I'm Isabella Ferguson and I'm here to deliver to you the most up-to-date, evidence-based methodologies on how to find some calm. In my early 40s, I bowed out of a 20-year legal career, decades of running on high anxiety and drinking alcohol to cope had taken its toll on my nervous system and I was burnt out. Cope had taken its toll on my nervous system and I was burnt out. Now, as a 48-year-old corporate speaker, counsellor, coach, I'll interview the experts, ask the questions you wish you had the time to ask and I'll deliver some practical tips to you. I'm glad you tuned in.
Speaker 1:
Now let's de-stress, de-stress. So yes, I've become that person that really loves mindfulness and I'm using that word all the time now, so I've seen that it works. So what is it? How do we do it? Why would we do it? Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are at and what we are doing, not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what's going on around us. Here, the mind is fully attending to what's happening, to what you're doing, to the space you're moving through. Now that might seem easy. It should be easy, but in our modern world it's surprisingly hard, particularly, you know, where we carry our phones around, wherever we go to exercise, to watch tv, to go to the bathroom for god's sakes, look, even putting on a podcast all the time when you're out in nature really takes you away from that present moment, and you might have found this Recently I tried to go for a long walk without my earphones and it was really hard to get out the door. But now I'm doing this as a mission to walk without listening to a podcast. I'm sure you can listen to De-Stress, though I'm sure that's an exception to the rule. I'm sure you can listen to de-stress, though I'm sure that's an exception to the rule.
Speaker 1:
But the fact is we often have a tendency, as human beings, to veer away from the present and, as you will learn in this podcast, there are some massive downsides to this that really impact our well-being. But first of all, mindfulness it's at the heart of Buddhist practices. The Sanskrit word, in fact, for mindfulness is remember. So mindfulness can really be defined as remembering to come back to the present moment, and I love this definition because it suggests that it's actually quite difficult that we do, as humans veer into thoughts about the future, about the past, and we have to guide ourselves. Remember to come back to the present moment. It's actually also been called the art of conscious living, and I love that phrase. I possibly like it more than that term mindfulness. So the art of conscious living. It's a practical way to be more in touch with the I guess, the fullness of your being, and it involves a systematic process self-observation, self-inquiry, mindful action, self-observation, self-inquiry, mindful action.
Speaker 1:
The good news is that mindfulness is a quality that we all inherently already possess, so it's not something you've got to conjure up. It's actually something that you just have to learn how to access it. Access something that you were born with, that's already inside of you. All right, why would we do it? What's wrong with being distracted? And, for the record, I love being distracted. I love cooking with a show on. I love lying in bed with a show on. I'm scrolling all the time. I've got shopping items in my cart. I am not professing to be in any way noble in the pursuit of mindfulness. I'm just conscious now that when I am distracted, it's really taking me away from the present, that it's not healthy for impulse control and other things we're going to talk about, and I need to bring myself back or make time for it later on in the day when I'm feeling like it.
Speaker 1:
Well, without mindfulness, when we're jumping around from thought to thought, we're not exercising impulse control. We're probably seeking out dopamine hits from our phones, our scrolling our shopping carts or we're ruminating on anxieties, past and future, probably not concentrating, moving forward, developing skills in any one thing. In effect, our brains have been hijacked by dopamine, so we're not controlling our thoughts, feelings, behaviors. Dopamine hijacking our brain is essentially controlling us. Our thoughts, feelings, behaviors. Dopamine hijacking our brain is essentially controlling us, our habits, and we know that habits really guide our future selves. What we do in a daily practice, our habits lead us to the sort of person we're going to be tomorrow. So when we're in this mode, we're not really in control of living in alignment to where we want to be in the future, curating our future self in the way we envisage we want to be.
Speaker 1:
All of this also, all of this distraction, this lack of impulse control that can lead to bad habits like overeating, binging out on sugar, salt and vinegar chips, cherry ripes you know they're my go-tos alcohol, smoking, things that take us away from picking up our sneakers, getting up for a walk, connection. It really impacts our nervous system, our stress levels and, as I said, our daily routine and our happiness. When we're mindful, we reduce stress, enhance our performance, gain insight and awareness through our own observing mind and we increase our attention to everything else that's going on around us so we become actually a nicer friend, a better parent. We are looking out for other people as well. Look, mindfulness is essential for changing bad habits, and you know this is a for changing bad habits, and you know this is a topic that I really love to tackle. It's something I do in my counselling practice and you know it's no surprise that the guests that I have on this podcast are experts in this field as well.
Speaker 1:
But there's a common theme in the experts that pop on that are all experts in habit change, and this is that mindfulness helps us to break free of bad habits and to cultivate good habits, such as reaching for healthier food, to really drinking less alcohol or none at all, to scrolling the phone, to picking up our sneakers first thing in the morning, to stop hitting that snooze button on our alarm. When we're caught in a bad habit loop, there's no pause between the urge and the gratification, so that lack of impulse control keeps us caught. Mindfulness allows us to pause between the urge and the gratification, to extend the gap. So, as dr gina cleo, habit expert and author of the habit revolution, says, this gap, this pause between the urge and acting on the urge. That that is where freedom lies. That's our freedom, where we are not controlled by the habit. We are controlling and minimizing the habit. This is a form of mindfulness. Dr Cleo has, of course, been on this podcast and I'll link up this episode for you in the show notes.
Speaker 1:
All right, I know lots of you are savvy listeners. You want to know about the science, you want to know about the studies. All righty, in 2014, a study which involved examining the meta-analysis of 21 neuroimaging studies so there were 300 people in this study examining the changes in brain structures relating to mindfulness, meditation found several brain regions that showed consistent difference between those that meditated and those that did not meditate, including areas key to our awareness our prefrontal cortex, intraceptive body awareness, memory and emotional regulation. So this is what they found and this is also backed up by other research in this space, backed up by other research in this space. Okay, meditation can lead to changes in our neural pathways over time by repeatedly engaging in mindful awareness during urges and well, indulging in our bad habits can actually alter the brain's response to cravings and strengthen self-control.
Speaker 1:
Mindfulness can enhance the functioning of the prefrontal cortex, supporting better self-regulation, impulse control, emotional regulation and decision-making. Mindfulness redirects attention to the present moment, allowing us to focus on those sensations and thoughts associated with the urges that are triggering our bad habits, whilst maintaining a degree of detachment, and this degree of detachment is really important. It allows us to observe what we're doing without judgment from afar, gives us pause. This is important because when we're in this mindful state, it allows us to acknowledge our thoughts and our feelings without resistance. And this acceptance, I guess, combined with a commitment to our healthy goals, our long-term goals and values, really creates a foundation for behaviour change. It allows us in this moment, to reconnect with who we are, what's important to us, what is our why, which underscores our reason for wanting to break free of this bad habit and replace it with better habits. And this engages our reasoning, part of our brain, our logic, and we're then able to really start thinking of the short and long-term consequences, were we to act healthily or unhealthily. And hopefully, in that moment, over time, as we strengthen our mindful practice, we're then able to resist.
Speaker 1:
And two final points here the act of mindfulness. It essentially grounds us, it cuts out the noise, it cuts out everybody else's opinions, their expectations of us, our expectations of ourselves in the outside world and connects us back to our inner voice, our inner mentor, that self, that self that is full of commitment, compassion, courage, the one that has our best interests and our future at heart. And you know, that voice, that's the one I believe that we essentially wake up with, that's the one that sets our goals for the day, might reprimand ourselves for yesterday's behaviours. Really, it's the one where we start committing to what we want to do to change our lives for the better, to start feeling, thinking, behaving, looking healthier. When we're more connected with this voice, we're more inclined to act in accordance with the desires of this voice.
Speaker 1:
And so, for me, in my counselling practice around stress, alcohol, burnout, sugar, curating a life that well, isn't perfect but is one that can live in alignment with your values and your goals as much as possible. This is key because we can very often get lost in the wilderness, particularly as the day goes on and our willpower subsides and we are tired, fatigued. That's when bad habits can start. The voice supporting that bad habit can get louder. If we're able to recognise that this is happening in the moment, we're able to give pause, exercise a mindful practice or two, reconnect with self, reconnect with our why? Reconnect with our desired future. Our desired future we have greater self-control and strength and empowerment within us to act accordingly.
Speaker 1:
We've spent a large part of our lives really being influenced and guided by limiting beliefs that we have about who we are and what we can do, and, of course, this is built by decades of our assumptions, experiences, interactions. But all of this information is often not necessarily true, and the whole process of mindfulness guides us away from these limiting beliefs and reconnects us with who we actually know we are deep down inside. Oh, and the last important point, the one that I know you are going to love mindfulness meditation might actually slow down the aging of the brain. Yes, there are studies to back this up also. So here is a step-by-step guide to help you surf an urge.
Speaker 1:
An urge or a craving, whether it be phone scrolling, sugar addiction, emotional eating, cigarettes or drinking alcohol, particularly in that risk window between 5pm and 8pm. Number one acknowledge the urge. Start by recognising, acknowledging the presence of the urge. Understand that it's a natural part of the process. It doesn't define you. Be detached from it. Number two breathe mindfully. Take slow, deep breaths to centre yourself in the present moment. Focus on your breath and try to observe the sensations as you breathe in and breathe out. This helps to create that mental space between the urge and your actions. Three observe what's going on for you without judgment. Allow the urge to be there without judgment. Imagine the urge as a wave that is rising. Watch it without trying to suppress or give into it. Recognize that this urge is like a wave. Yes, it's going to reach its height, but it's going to subside. You'll get through it.
Speaker 1:
Number four identify the trigger here, reflect on the circumstances or emotions that might be triggering this urge. Are you hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Understand the root cause can empower you to address this underlying issue more healthily. Number five connect with your values and goals. Remind yourself of your long-term goals and values. Remind yourself how you want to feel tomorrow morning. Consider how giving in to the urge aligns with or contradicts your objective. This awareness can provide motivation to resist that impulse.
Speaker 1:
Number six engage in a distraction. Shift your focus by engaging in a healthy and enjoyable activity. This could be a hobby exercise, reading, walking around the block, having a bath, baking, knitting, cooking, gosh any positive distraction that helps you redirect your attention and focus. Seven practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself during this process. If you're struggling, remember that setbacks they're a normal part of the whole process of change. Avoid self-criticism and instead approach yourself with compassion. You're doing your best. You're here. You're surfing the urge. Number eight reach out for support If possible. Connect with a friend, a family member or a support group. Sharing your feelings and the challenges you're facing can provide encouragement and accountability. That's a real motivator.
Speaker 1:
Nine I love this one visualize success. Picture yourself successfully navigating through this urge without giving in. Envision the positive outcomes, the sense of accomplishment that comes with overcoming the challenge. Get as detailed here as you can where you are just picturing yourself. Say, it's the 5pm, 8pm, risk window, you're craving a glass of wine. Instead, pitch yourself walking around the block, coming back pouring a cup of tea, sitting outside, pouring yourself an alcohol-free option. Envisage yourself making dinner, eating, cleaning up, then maybe having a bath, sitting on the couch, watching some TV with a hot chocolate, jumping into fresh PJs, into bed. Then see yourself waking up that next morning and going yes, I did it.
Speaker 1:
An urge lasts only for well, at the start, maybe an hour, but really. Well, at the start, maybe an hour, but really they mainly last between 20 to 30 minutes, you can do it. Number 10, create a plan for the future. Reflect on what strategies work for you in managing this urge. Develop a plan for how you'll approach similar situations in the future. Consider the coping techniques that resonate and worked most with you. There you go.
Speaker 1:
That is the 10-point plan for surfing an urge to break free from bad habits. Get a journal out. Write down all of the thoughts, feelings and the visualization exercise the plan for the future that comes with this. It's worth it because if you're trying to break free of a bad habit, likely is that you've been caught in this holding pattern for years and years and years. So do the work, jump in, roll your sleeves up and when you break free from this, you are then creating space in your life for well. Who knows? You fill in the dots. So remember that mindfulness, like learning to surf the urge, it's a skill. It takes practice. Be patient with yourself. If you've got any lingering bad habits that are really negatively impacting on your life and you cannot seem to break free, consider getting professional help or find a support group out there.
Speaker 1:
Read up, listen to podcasts about habit change specific to your particular habit that you want to break Now. Go out, act mindfully. See, there's that word. I am now officially a card-carrying heavy user of that word that I used to roll my eyes about, but maybe you will soon be dropping that word mindfulness into sentences left, right and center too. I hope you've enjoyed this episode. Go out and live mindfully, see you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode.
Speaker 1:
If you enjoyed the content, please don't forget to rate, subscribe or leave a review about this podcast. These three things really help to get this podcast out to people that might need to hear it. You can find me at wwwisabellafergusoncomau. Jump on my website. Check out all the resources I've got there about alcohol, stress and burnout. You can also book in a free introductory call. It's a 30 minute confidential chat. If you are looking for a counselor or a coach to support you to drink less or to manage your stress, I'm always here to chat. If you've got a question, please do not hesitate to reach out. I hope you have a really good day. See you later.
