De-Stress For Success with Isabella Ferguson
This podcast is about finding calm. I talk to the experts and bring you evidence-based practical methods to help you destress and live purposefully. In my early 40’s, I bowed out of a 20 year legal career “to spend more time with the kids”. However it was more than that. Decades of running on high anxiety and drinking to cope had had its toll on my nervous system and I was burnt out. I didn’t know it at the time, but from there I started years of recovery and ultimately stepped into a new way of living. I went to rehab, retrained as a counsellor and coach, created a successful counselling practice, became a motivational & corporate wellness speaker, took up painting and now support others to destress for success.
https://isabellaferguson.com.au
De-Stress For Success with Isabella Ferguson
What is Your "Meaning" or "Something Larger" in Life and Why is This Important to Know?
This episode is your guide to discovering what your something larger is in your life or your North Star that can provide you with a profound sense of contentment and satisfaction to sustain you through life's rough patches. The conversation steers towards how to initiate the internal dialogue about your life's true purpose and ways to take small, yet impactful steps towards realising it.
Think of today's discussion as a small but important challenge to dig deep and uncover your passions, to identify what truly ignites joy within you, and how that can be your guiding light during turbulent times. Brace yourself for an inspiring and motivating discourse that will equip you with the tools and strategies to set off on your path to discover your life's true meaning.
* The book referred to in this episode: The Burnout Workbook, Advices and Exercises to Help you Unlock the Stress Cycle, by Emily Nagoski, PHD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
** This book is highly recommended!
https://isabellaferguson.com.au
ISABELLA FERGUSON
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As you're listening to this episode right now, can you easily answer this question what is your something larger in life that acts as your North Star, that guides you, sustains you, what gives you meaning? Look, don't worry if you cannot answer this question straight up. We're going to discuss this today and you'll have some ideas by the end of this episode. First up, thank you, dear listeners who have rated this pod five stars. Eternally grateful, thank you. It means so so much to me, and I just want to really do a shout out to Amy, who emailed me and gave me consent to reading this out loud. She says Isabella, your episode on alcohol and stress making informed choices has changed the way I look at alcohol. It's day six only, but my nightly glass as I cook dinner that I've been doing for years is no more. I'm sleeping better. Thank you, amy, you are so welcome. Look, three years ago, a similar podcast did the same for me, all about alcohol. I feel so motivated, so grateful to receive emails and ratings for this podcast Just like this. So thank you, amy, and why? Well, I guess because it's part of my something larger in life that gives me meaning, provides validation for what I'm doing on this planet inspires, motivates and you guessed it eases my stress when other parts of life Press my buttons. This is what we're talking about today. Why is it important? How is this important to easing our stress levels and wellbeing generally?
Speaker 1:I gained inspiration from the work out book written by Emily Nagoski and Amelia Nagoski. Formal reference to this book will be in the show notes. Emily and Amelia Wright. Meaning is the nourishing experience of feeling like we are connected to something much larger than ourselves. We thrive and we are answering a call much larger than ourselves. Meaning is made, not found, when terrible things happen. Your larger purpose sustains you. Everybody is different. Some people know it immediately, some people take a while to find it. I really love that quote from that book. So finding meaning in life is important for all of us and I don't think there are any surprises there. It can have a profound and far reaching effect on our wellbeing, your mental health and overall quality of life.
Speaker 1:At some point in the work that I do with clients, a conversation about meaning or something larger crops up. We're working such long hours in our lives. Many of us don't know what our meaning or our something larger is. Why are we working so hard? What are we doing this for? Do we ever know? Is it too late? There has to be something more. I have heard this so many times.
Speaker 1:A lot of people reach that stage in their life when they're at a crossroads, and it can be in your 40s, it can be in your 30s and 50s, it can be at any time really when you're doing some adjustments and rethinking about your career path, your work, life balance, what it is you really want out of life, what success and meaning purpose in your life means to you. And often Many people don't know. It takes a bit of time, bit of work, but coaching you can just buy yourself with somebody else. But a lot of people don't know what this is. I sure as heck didn't when I'm working with people, particularly around alcohol, for example. When they've been able to kick alcohol for quite a period of time, that's when they regain their energy. They start to feel a bit of joy and possibility, opportunities on the horizon start to appear and they start asking these questions, wanting to know a bit more about their life direction and what is they want to achieve. And it can be the case when stress and Burnout is knocking on the door. You're really looking for Other things that are important to sustain you. So this episode is about planting the seed to start the internal conversation about what is your meaning? Or you're something larger than you, or if you already know, it's to give you the encouragement to take just one step this week Towards making it a reality. So here are some reasons why finding meaning in your life is important.
Speaker 1:People who have a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives tend to report higher levels of well-being and life satisfaction. This sense of fulfillment can lead to increased happiness and contentment. Having a clear sense of purpose can be also a protective factor against mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. It could provide a reason to get out of bed each day and face life's challenges. When you have a strong sense of purpose, you are more likely to bounce back from setbacks and adversity. You have a motivating force that helps you persevere through difficult times. Meaning can serve as a powerful motivator, helping you to set and achieve goals, and provides direction and a reason to work towards something significant. When you have a clear sense of what matters to you, it can also lead to more meaningful and fulfilling connections with others as well. So finding meaning in life is closely connected to our overall life satisfaction. It's that sense of fulfillment and contentment that goes beyond just momentary happiness.
Speaker 1:Many people find deep meaning in contributing to something larger than themselves, whether it's through their work, family, community or a social cause. This sense of contributing to the greater good can be profoundly fulfilling, and some research suggests that people with a strong sense of purpose may live longer, have lower risk of chronic diseases. This could be due to the positive health behaviors and psychological benefits associated with meaning. So how do we do it? Well, let's start with some concrete ideas about what the something larger can actually be. Sources of meaning, as set out in Emily and Emilianogoski's book, include the pursuit and achievement of ambitious goals that can leave a legacy. Another way is service to others, like volunteering or A spiritual calling. Another way of gaining meaning is through loving, emotional and intimate connection with others. So raising kids, supporting a partner or others with authenticity and kindness. It doesn't matter what it is, just that it gives you the feeling that your life has a positive impact, and you know what these can change throughout the various stages of your life. But here's the thing you create your meaning. You go out, reflect, feel it and then you go get it. You set small steps to achieving it.
Speaker 1:When my kids were young and I was still working as a lawyer, I was unhappy. There was a real moment there when I was dreaming of doing anything other than the career that I had. I was dreaming of something creative, colourful, something more. I was, stressed, torn, juggling all the things the parenting, the work and I was drinking quite a bit in the evenings. I was feeling flat and I might have had the time right then to put my something larger into action. But, knowing it, they have given me the boost I needed to add perspective to the legal work that I was doing, to set up a game plan to incorporate this larger thing slowly into my life. The absence of knowing what it was not really connecting with my something larger or my meaning, I think now in hindsight really did contribute to a feeling of utility, inevitability, of working just for the sake of it, and this really added to the stress and the unhealthy coping mechanisms that I was starting to turn to. Going back, looking at my friendships, the subjects that I gravitated towards at uni, things like human rights law, environmental law, the trip that I took to Tibet and the impact that it had on me the quest for wanting to learn more. I was always that deep conversationalist in the interactions I had with my friends, always a seeker, a person designed to work in service with others.
Speaker 1:When I hit my rock bottom during my time in rehab, I really was forced to rebuild my life and in fact I had the very rare and privileged opportunity of time and space to do this. I recognise that not many people have this. I realised I needed volunteer work, so I started rebuilding my life from the bottom up. I retrained, I became a Lifeline Crisis supporter, a Rays Foundation mentor working with teenagers. I trained to become a counsellor and then I trained to become an alcohol coach, and things just started to slot into place. I started painting. I tapped into creativity that I really didn't have the time or the insight to be able to do when I was working so hard as a lawyer.
Speaker 1:My something larger then became learning, studying, volunteering, creating a business that supports others, that sustains me. That is mine, entirely mine, outside of my family life. This does keep me sustained when shit hits the fan. Essentially, in other areas of my life, it's the larger. In earlier stages, the larger, and my meaning were my kids and here I am typing notes for this podcast at 4.45am because I'm really excited to do so you can start to plant the seeds so that you can slowly set the pavers down to create the path to be able to do this in various moments in your life when you do have that time. Other ideas that I have heard of include training to become a yoga teacher, travelling to remote, unique locations like Tibet, nepal and Taktika. Starting a book club, volunteering, joining a hiking group, changing roles within the firm you work at to align more with your values a sea change. Moving to a smaller town, studying archaeology part time. Studying art history part time, making it a mission to visit every art gallery within your state, studying jewelry, doing a painting course, a photography course, something creative as a side hustle to your career.
Speaker 1:Finding meaning in your life is a deeply personal and introspective journey. It often involves self reflection, exploration and a willingness to engage with, I guess, both philosophical and practical aspects of your existence. Here are some steps and strategies to help you discover meaning in your life. Firstly, look at photos of yourself when you felt your happiest and your best. What do you notice? What are you doing? Who are you with? How can you harness that energy now? Now, you may not have photos at your fingertips, but can you close your eyes and conjure up a memory when you felt you're most powerful or happiest, or when things just felt right. Now it might take a few days, but if you have this in the back of your mind and you're walking around, something's going to pop into your mind.
Speaker 1:Another way of doing this is to think of two very specific moments when you felt empowered. Take one moment from your career. When did you feel like you had really aced it and you felt like the stars had aligned and you were super proud. And take another moment from your personal life when did you feel like everything was just going the way it ought to be. Think of a moment Now. Compare these two moments. What do they have that are similar? What is overlapping here? What are the common ingredients? How can you take the top three overlapping similar points there and put them into your life now?
Speaker 1:Secondly, think of a time when you experienced an intense sense of meaning or purpose or alignment or whatever it feels like for you. When was there a cause that you really wanted to get behind? Is it a political cause? Is it an ethical cause. Was it a moment in your career when you wanted to stand up and go against the grain of the majority? Was it in your friendship group? Think of that, because it can really indicate what is your core values, what drives you, what makes you prepared to stand up. Thirdly, what makes you feel powerful? Is there something that you enjoy doing that feels like what you're meant to do? Is it a social justice issue? Is there a volunteering role out there that could advance that cause? Fourthly and I love this one, how would your closest friends describe the real you, the characteristics of your personality, in your life that are at the core of your best self? You're going to really gain a greater sense of what empowers you, what drives you, and they're really going to give you an indication of what might be your something larger that you want to aspire towards and what motivates you to get there. Here's some other ways of really uncovering your something larger. So take some time to reflect on your values, your beliefs, your passions. Think of when you were a kid. What did you do? What lit you up, what made you laugh, what drove you? What do you want to be doing now as an adult that could really be inspired by those things that were your passions earlier in your life.
Speaker 1:Connection with others is a big one, and it's a big one for me, because I'm often a little bit disorganised with how I connect with my friends, but I know it's actually up there within the top two or three values of my life my connection with my friends. So this may sound a little bit forced, but I highly recommend it, and I do this with clients as well. Write a list of the top people in your life that actually hold a special place that you really want to cultivate and keep as close friends. It doesn't matter if you've got three, it doesn't matter if you've got twenty, for each of these friends, reflect, know when their birthdays are. Put those birthdays in your diary. Think about what can you do to strengthen any of those friendships over the next few months.
Speaker 1:Personal growth Now this is a big one for me and again, it's going to take some time. You're going to have to have some time in your life to be able to personally grow, move towards those activities, things that we want to learn more about, and I'm a big believer that we need to keep on learning and growing and moving towards these things. I've always got a course on the go or one or a list of courses that I want to do when time allows. So embrace challenges and personal growth opportunities when you can. Overcoming obstacles and learning from experiences really can lead to a deeper sense of purpose and I think really expanding your knowledge and skills can be a great source of fulfilment.
Speaker 1:Giving back and helping others I've touched on this already, but it's evidence based. Research shows that engaging in acts of kindness and service, helping others and contributing to the wellbeing of your community can provide a great sense of purpose. You know, if you're struggling to find meaning in your life and it's affecting your mental and emotional wellbeing, why not consider getting support from a therapist, a coach, a counsellor, maybe just over one or two or three sessions? I wish I had done it. I really wish that I had done this a little bit earlier in my life, before, well, I hit my rock bottom, found myself in a position where I really had to think about who I was, who I wanted to be, and rebuild it.
Speaker 1:I guess I've always been envious of those people that seem to have been born with that innate sense of knowledge of what lights them up, what their passions are what keeps them motivated. Some people are, but most of us have to reflect on it and go out and grab it. So I challenge you and please email me, tell me what springs to mind and I'll read them out on our next episode. Thank you so much for tuning in to this quick little episode about finding out something larger. It's going to be a subject that I think will pop up quite a lot because I think it is so vitally important to easing our stress, sustaining us through the hard times. Really hope you have a great day out there. Thank you for tuning in.
